She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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