Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize