There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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