You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
