I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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