Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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