go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
