There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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