Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
