oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
