You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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