I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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