Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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