The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
