so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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