Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
