don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize