Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
