I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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