we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
