PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
