I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
