I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
