I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
