good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize