You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
