You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
