well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
