i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
