who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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