There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
