I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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