So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
