Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
