smell my finger.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
