At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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