And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize