i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out mid-signature
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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