He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
