you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
