Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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