chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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