We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
