puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
