So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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