there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
