4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
