my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
