Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize