the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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