I'm gonna have a badass scar
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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