well I can't set my house on fire every night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dignity is for republicans.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
