Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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