mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
