Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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