VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
