sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
