just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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