so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Let's paint friendship bongs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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