yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
