Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
