Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
