THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
