you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
