I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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