I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
