I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
