She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
