shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
