fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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