My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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