Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
