he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
