I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
