Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
