Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
