just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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