i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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