Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
