yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
