on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
