i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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