Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
