Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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