I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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