He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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