I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
